Wednesday, 3 May 2017

The "Droolin' on Manitoulin"

Look for new post this morning (Sunday)

Here at the Parkinson’s Wake Corporation it’s not often that we need to apologize to readers -  even rarer that we need to twice, but indeed that's what we face today. Our April Fools “Liver Therapy” entry went from Hoax to a hot button topic at support groups around the globe - sending ripples through the cattle futures market. In our defence If you had done your due diligence and ran The Swedish company’s name (Aprilskämt) through Google Translate, you would have been returned the english translation; “April Fools”. Secondly, if you ran the name of the therapy “(denna fruktansvärda hems orgel köttaaz)” through, you would have received “that horrible, horrible organ meat” in english. PLEASE NOTE - The only medically-proven uses for liver is as an effective disciplinary tool used in tandem with behaviour mod with children.

Secondly, I would like to apologize for some inaccuracies in a clip that that was released to  the public last Wednesday. A promotional training video intended to update my following on my boxing  exploits to-date was released. Unfortunately, the video was intercepted by an over-zealous Sven in Communications > Alternate Truth Subsection> Total BS unit > Maleable BS wing", who doubled the frame rate. In Sven’s defence he was simply doing his job  (keeping Blair from looking like too much of an incompetent ass in the ring. Err.. .yes, that is correct - Sven is a full-time employee. And you are right again, he does put in a lot of overtime. How did you know that? What have we done to ensure this doesn’t happen again, you ask? As they say in the business the buck stops here Sven has been promoted.. err demoted to the <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> > The Real Truth Subsection > Honestly, No BS Here Unit >Totally Truthful Arm.

One of the most immediate effects of this blunder what is to send a chill through the Rasmussen family of six boys. What with the Family's June Celebration of my Late Father’s life and Rasmussen Son Jamboree planning in the final planning stages the boxing tournament draw seems to be in shambles- at least the heavyweight division as most of my brothers have joined Jenny Craig with the ultimate goal of dropping a weight class in order to avoid the parky. They correctly recognize that these circumstances - going toe to toe with a parky is a classic example of a lose/lose  situation.Whether you beat the snot out ;of a parky, or you got beat by a parky, your reputation will take a fatal beating

I can tell you that there was one brother who did not fall for the boxing video ruse - Prone to cockiness, he often forgets that he was the only Rasmussen boy who entered this world clad in only light artillery. Not posesssing the large howitzers his siblings did he still refuses to accept that his package is more suited to light skirmishes as a peavekeeper, or a "mall cop” He has gone on record (sad to say) that beating the snot out of a parky is not beneath him. One can only hope that he is kidding, as he will soon be in for a world of hurt.
But has it occurred to the Rasmussen Boys. that this ruse may be just a ruse within a larger RUSE to drive away the competition. Could it just be possible that the DopaMeany is everything the video portrayed him as - maybe more.  That he is not only a Meany - but may in fact be a certifiable maniac, yes a DopaManiac?

Ruse or not, The boxing Jamboree will go on as planned. It is part of a longer-term plan to keep the family close. We all figure that the best way to accomplish that is to stick with what what got us here in the first place - beating the living crap out of each other. There are some concerns that without Mom here to referee, that things will get out of hand. With some even suggesting that we switch to an  octagon, and adopt MMA  rules. (esmussenz rules

As one of the main goals of the family Jamboree on Manitoulin Island is to raise awareness of Parkinson's, we have given much thought to the name  given to the events name. You know, all of Ali’s big fights had a catchy names; The “Thrilla in Manilla”, The “Rumble in the Jungle“.  Our current working title is: "Droolin’on Manitoulin” I am currently working with the advertising department  in our effort to come up with a pleasing pleasing visual. No progress to report to-date.

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