Saturday, 3 September 2016

Qs For The Blogger

Look for new post shortly. Very sad to say that my mom has passed away. So a change of topic. I hope to tell you a  bit about her this weekend.

Here at Parkinson's Wake Corp. our fan mail comes from across the globe. We like to do our best to make everyone feel welcome here even if their leaders have recently invaded a sovereign nation, tested a nuke, or builds  a beaver lodge along their southern border "to keep  those damned Yanks out" (They're not sending us their best) Regardless of your nationality, Parkinson's a bitch, so simmer down! Fear not, we we'll always share.1

So, a hearty "Welcome fellow global degenerates! Our latest visitors hail from: Russia: Как дела. мои товарищи глобальные выродки ?France: Comment allez-vous. mes dégénérés mondiaux collègues ?, Serbia: Ako sa máš. moji kolegovia globálne degeneruje ?, and finally, Newfoundland: "Ow's she cuttin', me global degenerate"

Our mail bag is just a burstin' so let's get a few out of the way...

Q Do you have any hobbies?

Jackie M

"I am a weeble
weeebles do not fall down"
Blair centers himself
Holds his pee
And chants the Weeble Mantra
A I sure do.My main hobby Weebling is an activity developed in-house here at Parkinsons Wake. Originally developed as an exercise targeting the balance issues inevitable for anyone with Parkinson's. Weebling was devrloped from a unique blend of traditional Eastern mind/body thought and modern Western Bullshit..A Weeble session may at times seem like Pilates, other times like yoga, yet other timesa like Mindfullness Meditation

              Blair, I have heard  rumour has it that you Cannucks are building a massive beaver lodge along the 49th to "keep those damned yanks out

Well, it doesn't seem that you guys have  been sendding us your best. And you know what, you guys are going to pay for it                                                                                                        

 Despite having no Greek heritage whatsoever, and taking advantage of my stellar manual dexterity I have plunged head-first into competitive. Greek Dish Smashing reaching the pinnacle of the sport by crushing the sports Holy Grail, the "Corel Challenge with ease. I would love to compete at the Para Games  - but alas, neurodegenerates have yet to be classified. It’s like we are just too good at what we do. Lose a single limb and you are golden. Wheelchair sports, basketball, sledge hockey, the opportunities are endless. Lose twenty million brain cells, and you are still stuck competing against the "Generates".

Lest you think I am a one trick pony, you should know that I also excel in gymnastics, specifically tumbling..One might say that I ocasionally wobble like a weeblr  - but unlike the weeble, I do fall down My dismounts are legendary. I nail the landing. every time. If you want to see sometthing eally exciting watching as are combined to sports of Greek Dish Smashing and tumbling.

I have also been dabbling in Cognitive Decline Anxiety Management. If there's any time remaining after' bustin' up the kitchen', I can usually  devote it to this pastime. It's a great way to wind up at the end of the day

Our first letter, comes from a regular contributor, Gifford Falway. Giff is known as somewhat of a loose canon around these parts.. But we figure that he would be more dangerous if we didn't give him his space to vent. Despite bring on the payroll, He will occasionally  nip and will not hesitate to bite even the hand that feeds him. Giff does not suffer  fools gladly, so YOU best careful!

Q I've just finished reading your latest post previewing your brothers kayak trek to Alaska. As usual  your brevity is unmatched Why were you such an ass to your brother? So what if he cut you for stitches. That was a half century ago. Grow up and get over it.  I thought that your treatment of social workers in general and your brother in particular was appallingly unfair.  What have you got against social workers?
- Gifford Falway -
A Gifford, my criticism was not of social workers in general nor any social work professors in particular. It was more a pragmatic concern that the harrowing life of a social worker and specifically the  "pjs till noon” routine  of a professor on sabbatical might not be the best preparation to ready  oneself for a colossally epic undertaking such as "Paddle For Parkinson's".

Giff, I think you'll agree that there are decidedly less spills and thrills in the daily life of a social work professor than their more dashing colleagues in Archaeology who - when they are not marking term papers seem to spend most of their spare time racing through streets of Bangkok with a Capuchin on their shoulder evading massive rolling stainless steel balls, seeking a grail of some sort. It is a fact that the closest thing to harrowing  in the daily grind of a social worker, might be the odd bruise to the ego, superficial lacerations to the superego, not to mention the risks of exposing the id to perilous paper cuts in The copy room.

The legendary South Pole explorer Earnest Shackleton advertised for the following qualities.

"Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. Doesn’t sound much like a social worker does it?.

Q Blair, you seem to like the number three, as when you list things or ideas you usually do it in groups of three. Why is that? Is there something special about the number three?

A It's  called the Rule of Three", or The Magic of three. It just seems right, doesn't it? As I understand, it  all comes down to the way we humans process information. We have become proficient at pattern recognition by necessity, and three is the smallest number of elements required to create a pattern. Google It.

Q. Blair, do you have any peculiar habits, or oddities that your readers might find interesting?

A When at Starbucks I feel a tremendous compulsion to align the sippy hole with the Starbucks logo. My wife thinks its odd, but frankly  to me it it just  a good safety precaution. The visual of the logo  is a god reference point to know where exactly the hot liquid is pouring out.

I am betting that I share this next “oddity” with at least a few of you. While waiting for a flight I will typically wait at an adjacent gate, For example if I am travelling to Winnipeg in January, I will typically wait at the nearby gate of a more attractive destination - like Hamilton, or Gander,

For me, holidays are all about anonymity,, and everyone knows that those "chirpy" Manitobans didn't get their "Friendly Manitoba" license plates by respecting personal space.

Q.Blair, what book is on your bedside table right now?

A It is”The Gifts Of Imperfection. In all honesty, I can’t say I’m “reading” it. My style of literary consumption is more like the way you read your cell phone contract.I scan for headings, exclamation points, and my name. In my estimation, this book is a “plant”, a book that is subtly left out - generally for the betterment of your spouse. The genre is usually that annoying class of books referred to as “self help” blended with a little DIY (or shall I say “do it himself” It is a rudimentary form of marital communication used when one would prefer not to present the issue face to face, or when an issue has been presented previously  - but the desired solution has not taken root.

Initially I gave it my all - I dove headfirst into the book - then called it quits. I just couldn’t relate. The book simply did not “speak to me. I then had an epiphany - if not me? then who? Could this be a confessional? Maybe she was trying to tell me that she wasn’t the Hope Diamond, as she had always thought we thought? That the bill of goods dating more than a decade ago had some discrepancies. Most notably, was she telling me that despite this, that if the book was to be believed - that I ultimately maybe the receptor of riches beyond my wildest dreams.

Q. Hey Blair- why to you you continue to perpetuate this myth of this big corporation, this
 delusion that you are anything but a solitary fellow posting blog entries in his underwear.
A That's just patently false. I sometimes change things up and post in my PJs.You take that back or you will be hearing from Zeus in Legal.Oops, sorry, there I go again I suppose that IF this was a delusion, it might stem from my fascination with the Circus full of smoke and mirors that the modern day web is. . Where al it seems to take is a dearth of dopamine, and Ok, so I give you that we are not apple - but how do you know that we don't have a Foosball table in the cafeteria that my employees don't ride around the SW Calgary campus on Segways, and how can you be absolutely sure that if I told you that the Corporations spending on employee wellness is not the highest in it's sector?(Totally fictitious Corporations whose founders should be monitored for cognitive decline) Which begs the question, how do you know I post in mu underwear. Which days? Bruins, or the Leafs on my Pyjamas?

Mr Rasmussen
Last year you chronicled your trials and tribulations you had with Deep Brain Stimulation - or as you seem fond of putting it, “DBS L1ight - most of the benefits of DBS, without any pesky hardware left behind, and no drain on the power grid.Where are you in the surgical process?\alsaddl

A I am just getting ready to climb back into the surgical saddle, having just passed the "cognitive test", As m dear Mother puts it, the"marble test".I have been deemed to have enough marbles remaining to  get another crack at DBS. You are right,smartass, that should be definitive confirmation that they do not/ read my blog.
Bon Creed

Blair, I saw a donation on your brothers site made “In memory of Blair Rasmussen. Was that a joke?,.

A To this day. we have not found out who the fellow is. I thought it was hilarious. I was going to make our donation  in memory of him. But my editor said it would be in poor taste. What ever happened to “an eye for an eye” You know what my first thought was? Am I a big enough fish that someone has pre-written my obituary? If not, I need to get on that. Oops! Reminder that dark humour has been shown to be one of the earliest signs of dementia!

1) In fact all of all of Blair's accumulated knowledge is in the public domain.including the vast 16gb of possibly malignant , most certainly questionable humour in his bloated Blogospheric Inflatuius. (the area of your brain where your NON- sense of humour is said to reside.He is currently mired deep down an inflatius tranpslant list - finding few possible donors even remotely silly enough to be compatible

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